Nice

Alright, now I'm blogging up a storm again, right?

Actually, it's 1AM, I work at 7AM, and I can't freaking sleep. What is the deal?!? I even had an acupuncture treatment today that was supposed to not only clean out my kidneys/entire body, but help me sleep. I think, though, that the problem is not an imbalance in my body...it's an imbalance in my life!

It doesn't help that we have begun the core of our half marathon training as of this evening, and we kicked it off with a fartlek. Yes, a fartlek. It's Swedish for "speed play" and it could be called an asskick in English. The acupuncture treatment of last week made my back feel sooo much better, so I asked the acupuncturist today if I could start running again. She said to take it easy. I'm pretty sure the fartlek was not what she had in mind, and I may be seriously regretting it tomorrow (well, later today...).

Anyhow, had a horrible day today. The plan was to have a lesson at 10:30AM, have Chris pick me up and take me to my 12:30 acupuncture appointment with plenty of time to spare, then have Chris take me back for a 2:30 band rehearsal. Kind of tight, but with Chris being good enough to be my chauffer (because we are currently sans functioning bike and Matt had the car at work), it would be fine. Nope. And let me tell you - I was apparently in no mood for stress.

• I was 7 minutes late for my lesson, and felt like an asshole (a disgusting, out of breath one at that, as I had walked from the house and it was pre-storm humid).

• Chris and I got to my appointment 15 minutes early. FIFTY minutes later my appointment finally started. So, I ended up with 15 minutes to get to campus and figure out where band met...and whether I had actually missed the audition for it.

• I barked orders at Matt and cursed continuously into my cell phone as I wandered around campus and then discovered that rehearsals start Thursday.
  

• I lost my wallet. Again found myself yelling at Matt, who obviously had been nothing but helpful and had nothing to do with my absent-minded insanity.

• I found my wallet and somehow was in no better mood but, rather, just wanted to collapse in a puddle somewhere. (Luckily I married a great mule who voluntarily carried both our bags around campus and then to the bus. Yes, I know how lucky I am, but it somehow doesn't stop me from being a raging bitch.)

• I discovered the depths of my guilt over the burden I've shouldered Matt with about two minutes before our friend Brian showed up to run. I was sobbing loudly and generally feeling like a horrible human being when he walked in the door. Unfortunately, this probably will not be the last time someone inadvertently walks into an emotional breakdown.

Dearest friends and family - my apologies in advance. I don't think I have felt this agitated and unstable since my mother's death. I can't expect my husband to handle it all because, let's face it, my life and I are intense. We'll get through it, but I'd love for someone to just come and whisk one of us away - me for a good cry or a spa treatment, Matt for a hike or something. I asked Matt what the best thing I could do for him was - because I was thinking he might appreciate a night out with some friends, or just being allowed to avoid me for a day (perhaps we can hire a Brea-sitter). He said what he wanted most was for me not to be so sad anymore. Sweet, but it just made me more sad.

The good news? I met with Shawna after our run tonight and was glad to see that, though I have been a highly unproductive board president and worker bee over the last month, The Heart Project continues. Shawna designed some gorgeous publicity and awareness materials, and is generally a kick ass intern (not to mention friend).

And now, for my next trick, I will once again attempt to sleep. And if I can't, I will do laundry and dishes, and maybe even figure out what I'm playing for my band audition tomorrow. *sigh*

Naughty.

I'm sorry I haven't updated in awhile. May went out with a bang, I'm not entirely sure what has happened to the first half of June! Matt and I are keeping busy, to say the least Let's start with the fact that we're running 5 days a week (well, most weeks. This week I have found myself injured, hardly able to walk on Wednesday morning due to back pain, so I have taken the majority of the week off). I'm also working effectively 30+ hours/week at sbux. It's fun, but the inconsistent work schedule (I have avoided a 4:30AM opening shift thus far, but the streak ends a week from Tuesday) wreaks havoc on my internal clock. Meaning I sleep when I can and I have no idea how much that means I'm sleeping. Oh well!
Today was a great day, though. I worked from 7:15 to 11:15, vegged for a little while with a (free) latte, rode my bike back home, chilled with the dogs, and have managed to stay awake all day! This really is a huge accomplishment. Not only have I stayed awake, but I've practiced for 2 hours, studied music history for an hour, done some dishes, hung out with Matt, made most of dinner, answered some emails, run some errands, and still have about 4 hours before I plan to go to bed! Woohoo!
The next few weeks will be full of "stuff." We're looking forward to a visit from Art and Sarah next week. They arrive Tuesday and will stay in Bloomington until Friday, when they'll head to Indy for a night before catching an early flight. I only have Wednesday off from sbux, and I teach at the music store that night. BO-RING! Well, actually not boring at all, but whatever. Anyhow, the following Tuesday is my first opening shift [insert Beethoven's 5th], but luckily I've gotten rid of all of my other shifts for the week....BECAUSE -- we leave for the east coast on Thursday, the 28th.
I will assume that everyone reading this blog knows why we're going to the east coast. The original reason for the trip is un-fun, but Matt and I are making every effort to also make it a little getaway for the two of us -- we certainly need and deserve a getaway at this point.
Our itinerary for the trip, as it currently stands, is as follows:

• Thursday, 6/28: arrive Philly around 10:45AM, take public transportation to Princeton, spend the afternoon/evening with Dad and Joan.
• Friday, 6/29: Putter about with Dad and Joan while they pack to leave the following day. Meet up with Sharon in/around Trenton at the end of her day seeing patients. Join her and the boys for a drive to their beach house. Enjoy a couple days of trying-not-to-think-about-crappy-things and a couple evenings of romantic walks on the beach at sunset.
• Sunday, 7/1: Return to Princeton, not entirely sure how yet, but we'll figure that out tonight.
• Monday, 7/2: Take public transportation into Manhattan for un-fun things, and then maybe for fun things...depending on how un-fun the intended things are....then return to Princeton to pack!
• Tuesday, 7/3: Return to Indy and Bloomington. Enter/continue simultaneous denial and analysis of un-fun things.

While all this is going on, I am also trying to figure out whether there is a (quite necessary and overdue!) sisters' get together on the horizon...and what that means for registering for lessons and ensemble. I have figured out that I can (almost definitely) play in the band with my travel plans as they are, but I may not be able to take lessons for credit. The trip to the east will conflict with lessons, which the prof is willing to make up. However, if I miss another lesson for a trip in August, making up the lessons will just get too difficult given the prof's limited availability (he's in and out of the city/state/country all summer). Sooooo - that's gotta get figured out pretty quick here :-/ I'm supposed to start lessons on Sunday!

Love,
B